Brian Koppelman

It's A Small World After All

I woke up early this morning in a panic. At 4pm I was going to interview Brian Koppelman. I had asked Brian to do the podcast probably 50 times over the past few years. He never gave me a no, but he also never gave me a yes. He followed me on social media, and I him obviously or he would have never known who I even was. I had engaged with him there, and in some emails, and DMs, and we had some friends in common. But I could never get to yes.

Now, if you know me you know that I have a difficult time articulating the point I’m trying to get across. The things I say to people and the things people to say me get lost in translation. Many times I think people who “should be” in on the joke aren’t. So I just assumed, well, I’ve obviously said something stupid or something that freaked him out. Or worse, for a person with my personality type, this person I adore simply doesn’t like me.

After my last podcast episode I had a realization of sorts. I have never been sure exactly what I am trying to do with the podcast, or a podcast, or a Substack, or a social media account. I realized that what I wanted to do, the thing that eats at me, is to tell a story that I haven’t told yet, or haven’t been able to properly express yet.

What some people don’t know about me is, aside from years of crippling anxiety and panic attacks, I was also diagnosed with Asperger’s. If you know anything about Brian, he struggled and I assume continues to struggle on some level with chronic ADHD, even though we didn’t touch on this a lot in this episode.

It dawned on me that two people, with similar interests, similar things, just hadn’t clicked on how to communicate with each other. Again, I am speaking for myself here, not Brian. So I sent what was going to be my last ask, because I also considered the idea that he didn’t like me or didn’t want to do the thing.

In this last email I said to him that I am trying to paint a picture, to create something, that I can’t figure out how to create. Something about the connective tissue of the universe and how art shapes us and how seemingly random things that happen to different people at different times either creates a certain kind of bond that we don’t really think about.

Long story short (this story gets much longer), I needed him to help me paint this picture. However it landed, he said yes. But it had became so important in my mind, that this conversation go well, it filled me with anxiety.

I had typed out 12 pages of notes. Even knowing I only had Brian for an hour. And when I say 12 pages of notes, I mean 3500 words typed, with hand-written notes on the margins.

After a couple hours I settled down and started listening to music for my sanity. And the song that kept coming to me was “Take Me To The Pilot” by Elton John. I’m sure a psychiatrist could have a field day with this, whose soul needs to be explored or released or whatever. But that was the song.

(Also I have recently found out that “take me to the pilot high on gasoline” were not the actual lyrics)

By 3:30pm, a half hour before recording, I was a hot mess. I realized there was no way I could fit all of these notes into an hour. I also realized I had no time to edit. That I was going to have to rely on my brain less than I could lean on my notes. Fucking. Terrifying.

The first quarter of the episode focused on ESPN Page 2, ostensibly, and Bill Simmons, and how this redefined sports journalism. How it impacted my approach to writing. And how Brian became enamored with Bill’s style of writing when Bill did an NBA-based sendup of Rounders, which Brian of course wrote.

Then we jumped into professional wrestling, which both Brian and I loved as kids and kinda became a part of our development. We talked about how the Apter mags helped us keep up with other regions and territories.

Brian was more a little more Sammartino and me a little more Magnum TA, but the thing that unites it all is the storytelling. The good guys. The bad guys. The faces and the heels and the turns. The ability through story to shift energy.

I also wanted to talk to Brian about his history and experiences with the Howard Stern Show. We didn’t get too deep into that because we realized that could take hours and I hope he comes back on to talk about that. But we did discuss some of the more legendary musical performances on the show.

I won’t really touch on writer’s block in this piece but I think you should listen to the pod if you have issues with that. I have written about it in previous posts, but this will provide some additional context. If you read the other posts you will also understand what I meant when I kept cramming the song “Chevy Van” into the conversation.

The next to last thing was about Brian’s brilliant show Billions, whose last season airs on Showtime in a couple of weeks. We didn’t get into as much as I would have liked to because the time just flew.

My gist was that what I really loved was how the characters were more complex than I initially gave them credit for. It took me a minute to get to know them, and to get to know what the show meant to me. Flawed characters, everyone thinking they are doing the right thing and getting caught up in that so much you lose your moral compass. Every good guy thinks they are the good guy, and every bad guy thinks they are the good guy.

This song struck out to me thinking about it.

This next song also encapsulates Billions for me in a lot of ways.

We closed the episode much too quickly unfortunately with a brief discussion about Brian’s podcast, The Moment.

I found the podcast at a very bad place in my life. More than a decade after I thought my struggle with agoraphobia and panic was behind me, COVID hit, and I was housebound again. And it was as if my brain returned to that state.

To compensate I began abusing alcohol in a way that most people wouldn’t even believe. 30 beers a day, sometimes more. By the time I realized I needed help I was in very, very bad shape.

I spent almost two weeks in the hospital and then four more staying at my Dad’s house, just resetting my mind. That is when I really got into The Moment. I was relearning how to think again, to kinda see that, ok, my life has value and I have something that I haven’t done yet and still need to do.

It was during that time that I started putting together these connections that I had with Brian. Dormant memories became activated. It is when he became a piece of me, of my DNA, or, better said, a fundamental presence in my being. That was when I knew that I had to speak with him in long form if I could. And that is what Brian meant at the beginning about my dogged yet polite asks to get him on the pod.

Also, outside of my personal experience, The Moment is a fantastic podcast that will give you a similar experience if you dig in. If you think about the big picture and the small picture at the same time, and also dig art of all types, it’s for you.

Two quotes come to mind as I think about how to describe The Moment:

“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” ( attributed to Emerson) and “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still have the ability to function” (attributed to Fitzgerald).

I’m gonna close with a song by Brad Paisley and then a link to the episode, which is up on all podcast platforms and I really hope you listen to it now with this context. Little moments create big moments. Little moments shape us. Unite us. Little moments change our lives. I’m so very thankful for the little moment I had with Brian today.